Slow Spinning Redemption
by delenadreamer
Summary: At this understanding, she breaks the silence that lingers between them. "I'm sorry." He looks up from the dishtowels, confusion blazing in his ocean blue eyes. Sometimes, she feels her heart ache from the way he looks at her. One look tells her more than one thousand words ever could. "I'm sorry about Stefan. You lost him too." D/E after 3x11 .


_Author's Note: I wrote this sometime after 3x11 aired but I never got around to finishing it or posting it until now. I was just gonna keep it on my computer but I have so many unfinished one-shots for this fandom and others that I just need to get it out there, so here it is. I'd love to hear what you guys think so please review._

* * *

**_So turn up the corners of your lips  
Part them and feel my finger tips  
Trace the moment, fall forever  
_**

* * *

Elena staggers down the long and empty road with tears in her eyes, determined put as much distance between herself and the bridge as she can. One year ago, her entire world crashed down around her on this bridge and tonight, history repeated itself on an entirely different magnitude but equally agonizing.

She finally reaches the spot where the bridge ends and the forest begins and all she can do is collapse to her knees, her body curling as she empties the contents of her stomach. She retches until there's nothing left, only her burning throat as yet another reminder of her distress. Her mouth hangs open as she struggles to remind herself how to breathe, but the air just can't get to her lungs fast enough.

Her shaking hands instinctively fly to her throat, eyes wide and fearful as she gasps for air. Her grief, heartache and the inevitable despair - it's all violently suffocating her.

His name falls from her lips in a strangled cry and she continues to call out his name in the darkness, her cries turning into sobs of pure agony until all she can do is curl up on the side of the road to take solace in the cool pavement as the night breeze brushes past her.

: :

She sits on the roof just outside the attic, arms wrapped around herself, hands clutching her sides as she struggles to hold herself together and then suddenly a freight train of emotions hits her right in the gut and she feels _ everything_. Every emotion - every single emotion - anger, shame, bitterness, compassion, confusion, cowardice, jealousy, vulnerability - it all consumes her until she can no longer breathe.

Her chest clenches together painfully and once again her lungs aren't receiving oxygen fast enough so she gasps for air yet again, her heart racing inside her chest. Tears roll down her soft cheeks as more strangled cries fall from her lips in a quiet, violent manner.

She once told Damon that when she looked at Stefan, she would feel as though she was going to break and she adamantly refused to give the younger brother that satisfaction and against everything she tried not to feel, she broke. She never once bothered holding back the tears as she stumbled out of his car. She didn't hold back the sobs that wracked her body as she yelled at him. She try to hide her broken heart when she watched him drive away into the night - away from her.

"If you jump, I swear to god I'll bring you back and kill you myself."

Damon's voice doesn't startle her, instead it does the exact opposite and warms her cold body. Despite herself, she chuckles lightly - emptily and brokenly, eyes still trained on the night sky, heartbeat slowing beneath her skin as he takes a seat beside her, his eyes too falling on the sky.

They sit in comfortable silence for what feels like hours. She relishes in the safety and comfort he brings without even saying a word. She wished he knew how truly grateful she is that he's here, that he's always here and that he's stuck around.

(She hopes one day she'll be whole enough to tell him).

"Elena," he says tentatively, his soft and gentle voice breaking the silence that barely masked her facade. "We'll survive this. You know that, don't you?"

"I do," she whispers. Moments pass and she quietly begins talking in hopes to _finally_ tell him what happened on the bridge that night. When he picked her up from the side of the road, he simply took her in his arms and brought her home. No questions were asked, no words were necessary. "Damon, I kept looking for the man that I fell in love with but there was nothing. He - he was a stranger."

"I know."

And he does know. He knows better than anybody else the pain she's suffering through. He used to know his brother better than anyone and there is a small part of him that still hopes eventually, he'll get back on the wagon.

(They both know it won't happen in her lifetime).

He inhales deeply before looking at her, _really looking at her_. His blue eyes are earnest and so full of love and insurmountable understanding, her heart swells inside her chest. Once again, no words are necessary but she shakes her head, tears spilling over her eyes again. "I've forgiven him for a lot but I don't think I could forgive him for this."

"You forgave me." His voice is barely above a whisper yet like a scream that ricochets through the silent night.

"He was going to take away my choice just to prove a point; that's not why you did what you did."

Her thoughts trail off into the darkness, the memory of those two incredibly horrifying days hanging in the sky beside the bright, pale moon.

_"I can't lose you."_

_"You won't."_

_"I know you love Stefan and it will always be Stefan, but I love you. You should know that."_

_"I do."_

"No, you're right," he acknowledges, "Stefan did what he did because he's an idiot. I did what I did because - "

"Because you love me," she finishes. "You did it because you love me."

"Yeah," he murmurs. "I did it because I love you."

The revelation of his unwavering love and adoration for her is exhilarating, a high she isn't certain she'll ever come down from. His love for her is fierce and profound and up until recently, unrequited and she just can't imagine her life without him.

They don't talk after that, neither of them know what to say. Moments pass and she's about to break the comfortable, silent bubble but he takes her hand and holds it against his chest - against his heart - and smiles tightly, but a smile just the same.

: :

She just wasn't the same after that; she spent so long fighting to keep herself afloat her sea of raging emotions but when he left her on that bridge, all she could do was surrender to the pain so now she just muddles through her days as if on auto-pilot.

She's no longer living, just existing.

She wakes up one morning, feeling oddly at peace with her world and she realizes with tears in her eyes that _this_ is the day she has been waiting for. This is the day she wakes up not regretting the day before it begins.

She doesn't take advantage of it like she should, instead she stops by the flower shop and spends the day at the cemetery. She writes in her journal and talks to the four headstones that plague the Gilbert family plot. She cries almost the entire time and takes a lot of deep, uneven breaths and before she leaves, she puts one flower on an empty space beside her parents, the space where she leaves the old Elena behind.

: :

"Oh god, please tell me that's not chili." She looks up to throw him a smile before turning her attention back to the cookie sheet and he just helps himself to a seat at the kitchen island. Moments pass and she fights the urge to laugh at how human and mundane everything was; a man watching the woman he loves in the kitchen.

(She both loves and hates the cliche of it all).

She slaps his hand away when he sneaks in a spoonful cookie batter. "You are so impatient. Fine, since you couldn't wait to help yourself at least tell me how it is."

He purses his lips dramatically before announcing, "It's perfect." She nods in appreciation before putting the tray of cookie batter in the oven and setting the timer. "Now we wait?"

She nods and he thinks she doesn't hear the "I'm good at waiting" he mumbles under his breath, but she does and her heart aches all over again.

: :

Later that evening, she and Damon are folding dishtowels when the realization and understanding hits her like a freight train. She's been so consumed by her own anger, pain and disappointment that she hasn't once stopped to comfort the only person that even remotely understands how she feels.

She lost her love of one year but Damon? Damon lost his best friend, his partner in crime, his baby brother.

Damon was absolutely right when he said that his brother wasn't coming back in her lifetime, but what about his? How long after she passes from this world will he finally be able to reign his brother in? And even if he does, she doubts it'll ever be the same; they'll probably spend another fifteen years punishing each other for something that happened a century ago. It's just what they did.

At this understanding, she breaks the silence that lingers between them. "I'm sorry." He looks up from the dishtowels, confusion blazing in his ocean blue eyes. Sometimes, she feels her heart ache from the way he looks at her. One look tells her more than one thousand words ever could. "I'm sorry about Stefan. You lost him too."

If it's possible, he loves her more.

: :

By the end of the night she's absolutely drained, physically and emotionally.

Like every other night, he walks her all the way up to her room and just like every other night she turns around and smiles at him, nervously tucking her hair behind her ear.

"I'm gonna get ready for bed. You can stay here if you want."

Half an hour later he's lying comfortably atop the covers when she exits the bathroom, clad in her pajama shorts and tank-top. Much to surprise (both his and hers), she lets out a light laugh and he relishes in the sound.

He's missed it - her laugh and her smile. He thought that maybe she lost that part of her that could be happy, and one of his biggest fears was that she would never be happy again; he thinks that's the part he wants to fix the most, the part of her that yearns to be happy but doesn't know how anymore.

She snuggles beneath the warm covers and turns off the light before turning to face him in the darkness of the night, only the pale moonlight illuminating her room. Her human eyes adjust to the absence of light but even in the darkness she knows his eyes are on her.

His shadow becomes blurry and then she realizes that she has started to cry. He notices this too as he brings his hand up to delicately cup her chin. She bites her lip and offers him the smallest of smiles, one that mirrors nothing but defeat. He hates it when she smiles like that. He hates it when she gives up.

"Damon," she shakes her head, tears rolling down her cheeks. "You can't kiss me again."

He nods solemnly. "I know."

"You can't. I can't. It's not right."

He wants nothing more than to throw caution to the wind, take her in his arms and _love_ her all night long - love her the way she deserves to be loved, the way she needs to be loved.

(He thinks that if his love were enough, they'd be together forever).

He doesn't tell her that, he just gently presses his lips to her forehead and she closes her eyes like she always does when he comes too close, only opening them when she feels his forehead rest against hers.

"I promise you, it's right. It's just not right now."

"One day," she whispers. "I hope that I can love you the way you love me."

Those words are enough forever.


End file.
